Forget Me Not

and some talk about dementia

So much has happened since I last wrote.  

Some photo sessions, a wedding, some wedding photography, my husbands disturbingly poor lack of judgment, which I will not get into at this time.. And a couple of days spent with the in-laws at our cabin.  They live in a small town a couple of hours from us, and it’s been a while since their last visit there, so it was good to have them back again.

My mother in law has dementia. It seems to be rapidly declining since our last visit.  I do not see them as often as I should. 

That is a shameful and true confession. 

My father in law and I, are not close, and my mother in law, with her diminished mental state, is difficult to have conversations, and a relationship with.

But the distance I keep, is on me. 

We were at a family gathering and my mother in law, we shall call Dawn, and I, were chatting small talk and playfully singing along to some music in the background.  when she asked, 

What’s your name? 

I say - Tamara

She says, oh, and repeats my name slowly, as if it might be triggering some kind of memory.

Again seconds later, she asks, what’s your name?

Me patiently - Tamara

She repeats my name.

Then, moments later, a third time asks, what’s your name? 

A third time I say, my name is Tamara.

Dawn pauses to think, but the stare is blank and unknowing.

She then asks, whats your last name? 

I tell her my last name, it’s the same as hers. 

Dawn repeats our last name, pauses then asks in surprise, are we related?

My heart pangs a bit, I take a breath.

And there it is. 

She has forgotten who I am. I knew this day would come eventually, I just didn’t think it would hurt this much. 

I change the subject, and point to the beautiful lights reflecting on the window. I don’t want to get into the fact that I have been married to her son, for 21 years. She is now distracted, and focused on the lights reflecting in the window.

The sad and awkward moment, has passed. 

This new to me, development makes me sad, for so many reasons. None of which are really about me at all. 

It is only a matter of time before my husband has to experience the pain of his mother having no recollection of her second born son. 

I feel all the emotions, but mostly anger and grief, towards this disease that robs people of everything that they are. It steals their essence, their independence, and leaves them an empty shell of someone you once knew, and loved. 

They, are gone.

The rest of the weekend was spent trying to keep her from drinking lake water from out of the kitchen tap.  Helping her navigate walking through the magnetic screen on the patio door of the cabin. She never did get that one figured out.  Helping her find things that were never missing. Explaining where we were, and what lake we were at, so many times we lost count. 

I don’t know how my father in law does it, day in and day out. He needs a hug, and break, I know that.

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To all those afflicted with, or that have a loved one suffering with this terrible disease, my heart goes out to you.  More support and education are sorely needed. Especially in the rural areas of Saskatchewan. Is this support issue a Canada wide problem? Maybe so.

Is it naive to hope for a cure?

For some info and resources available, here is a link to the Alzheimer’s Society of Canada

If you enjoyed this little read please share it with someone, because that would make my day and hopefully brighten theirs.

Thank you for being here. I’m Tamara Dayle, born and raised on the Canadian prairies. A photographer, and writer of life stories- Mishaps and Milestones is 100% reader supported. Please do consider upgrading to a paid subscription, to support my writing. You will receive a weekly Mishaps and Milestones newsletter, with some amusing stories, photography, creative prompts, monthly ghost stories, and plenty of midlife what the actual f*cks.

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